so here I sit

Seems like I only want to blog when I'm in a confusing mood. Go figure. Right now I'm struggling to hold on to the hope that our adoption will happen. I actually am now wondering if this is really what God wanted. I was so sure, there were so many things that happened that I thought were definitely pointing us in this direction. But that was a year ago, and still we have no baby sleeping in the nursery. I know the average wait time is two years. blah blah blah. I hate waiting. I know that this process is definitely being used by God to teach me patience, but I think it's alright to say that I don't appreciate it. I also am trying to continually focus away from myself, and onto the many birthmothers out there who are making decisions that they never wanted to make. That helps some. I also focus on the fact that we do have a sweet little 3 year old sleeping in the room right next to the nursery, and I am so thankful for that. I'm also exercising more and eating really well. Trying to get that last 20 pounds off of me. Hopefully I'll be a hot mamma when our little bundle arrives. (in case you're wondering - no I'm not being patient with the weight loss process either) Seems like everything I want takes time.......