but it IS the right time!

Had an interesting conversation with Gabe the other day. You know - 3 year olds are amazing litttle people. On with the story:
He's been talking a lot about "our baby that isn't coming yet". (completley unprovoked - I've actually been trying not to think about the adoption for a little while, and we've kept the nursery door closed)

anyway, we're laying in bed the other night and he says
"Mommy, I miss our baby that isn't coming yet."
to him - missing someone is wanting someone to be here who isn't - whether he knows them or not. I thought it was a sweet way to say it.
So, I say "I miss them too, but God will bring us our baby when it's the right time."
and he sits up, points his finger for emphasis and says
"Yeah, but it IS the right time."

I had to laugh at him because that's exactly how I feel about it too! He's going to be such a great big brother, and I'm glad he's excited about it.

oh my

Turns out I probably have endometriosis. That explains a lot of the fertility issues. Well, actually that explains all of them. So, Friday I go for pre-testing, and next Wednesday I'll have a laparoscopy. They'll look around and see if it is actually endometriosis (which they're pretty sure it is) and to fix any adhesions it caused (and they're pretty sure they're there). I'm actually nervous, I've never had surgery before. I've never had anything major wrong with me before that would require surgery! All things considered though, it's a very minor surgery. So that's good. It'll be nice to have some answers.

so here I sit

Seems like I only want to blog when I'm in a confusing mood. Go figure. Right now I'm struggling to hold on to the hope that our adoption will happen. I actually am now wondering if this is really what God wanted. I was so sure, there were so many things that happened that I thought were definitely pointing us in this direction. But that was a year ago, and still we have no baby sleeping in the nursery. I know the average wait time is two years. blah blah blah. I hate waiting. I know that this process is definitely being used by God to teach me patience, but I think it's alright to say that I don't appreciate it. I also am trying to continually focus away from myself, and onto the many birthmothers out there who are making decisions that they never wanted to make. That helps some. I also focus on the fact that we do have a sweet little 3 year old sleeping in the room right next to the nursery, and I am so thankful for that. I'm also exercising more and eating really well. Trying to get that last 20 pounds off of me. Hopefully I'll be a hot mamma when our little bundle arrives. (in case you're wondering - no I'm not being patient with the weight loss process either) Seems like everything I want takes time.......