My first 5k EVER!

I think my time was somewhere around 36:49, but I'll have to check the official time when they get them submitted. That's not very fast at all, but I just don't care. I jogged the whole thing at a steady pace, so I am very happy with myself. I probably wouldn't have even known about it if my friend Dusty hadn't mentioned it. I'm glad we did it together!

Mom Guilt

Today I wonder - Why is there such a large amount of mom-guilt attached to everything?

If I work, and my children go to a sitter I feel guilty for not being at home. If I take an unpaid vacation day and stay with the boys I feel guilty for not contributing to the family finances. Some days I'm glad to be out of this house and around adults! And then of course I feel guilty about that too. I feel guilty when I take time for myself and go running, and I leave my husband with the kids. I know this is good for them, and I know this is good for me. But I still feel like I have taken something from them. I struggle with getting the regular tasks accomplished (laundry, lunches, general cleaning) and still finding time to have quality time with my children. They need me. They also need me to get all those other things done at some point. I worry that I discipline too much, that I say no too much, and then I feel guilty. I wonder if I'm not doing it enough and they'll grow up to be hellions........ and that would really make me feel guilty! A friend just wrote about what a tough decision it was for them to choose to bottle feed. We have all struggled with that problem too! And you know what, I bet guilt was part of the equation somewhere for all of us if we ended up choosing the bottle for our child.

I wonder if all moms struggle with this balance. Most moms do I think, we just try not to talk about it. I think this is because admitting some of these things that make us feel guilty feels like we have admitted mommy failure. No one wants to admit to mommy failure. I wonder if we hold standards that are too high. I also wonder if we put this pressure on each other. I think we might..... just a little bit. Do I worry about what another mom might think of me when I admit some of these things? Yes I do! Do I put a lot of the pressure on myself? Oh yes....... I do!

I think it comes with the territory of being a mom. But when did it become necessary in our culture to be everywhere, and be everything to everybody?

An Epiphany

I may have passed an adoption milestone. Let me elaborate. We are a "mixed" adoptive family. Our oldest son is our biological child and our youngest is adopted. We recently had a referral to a pediatric pulmonologist for our youngest son. It's possible he may have asthma. As I was driving home from that appointment, I began to mull it all over in my mind. My first thought was, this is no big deal for us. My husband is an asthmatic, and I'm a respiratory therapist. This is something we all understand and can handle. My second thought was, that it made sense that the baby might have asthma since my husband has it. I carried on with my thoughts until all of a sudden I had a reality check................ it does not make sense for the baby to have asthma because my husband does. They don't share the same genes!

So for a moment I felt stupid for my lapse. Being the worrier that I am I began to panic that I had forgotten where he came from, and that if I didn't make it part of our daily conversations that he wouldn't feel comfortable about his adoption. (not that I would forget that - I feel it's very important) But then I realized that this is the way I ought to be feeling about my son. The fact that he's adopted shouldn't identify him or his place in our family. And it doesn't.

This child feels as much a part of me and my husband as our biological child is. I think that's the way it should be. He is our child. Momentarily forgetting that he isn't our biological child is a completely natural thing!

And then I felt very much at peace. I think our family is exactly as it should be.

Our awesome new/old stuff!

Friends of ours just donated their large plastic playthingy to us. I don't know what it's actually called, but it does have a slide. It also has holes and slats in the side that they can climb on or through. When they brought it, they also brought a little green car which has provided hours of enjoyment for the boys. I find it funny that kids are always much more interested in old or used toys, or things that aren't toys at all, than they are in the new stuff. :o)

sorry!

This summer has sure been a busy one! I don't know if it's because there are two kids to keep track of now, or if it has just flown by because we've been running so much. I really had planned to send pictures before now. I even have a bunch of them just waiting, but I just ordered more, so I'm going to wait and send them all together.

We had a pretty good 4th of July! Here are a couple pics of all of us watching the fireworks. I love it that our driveway is a perfect viewing spot for the fireworks in our town! Cooper didn't seem afraid of them at all, which I had been a little concerned about because he slept right through them his first time around. :o) He did great this year. He just kept pointing at them and looking back at us like he wanted to make sure we were seeing it. He wasn't a big fan of the finale though, I think that part did get a little too loud for him. But, he was also tired, it was way past bedtime. Gabe had a blast. One of his buds came over and they played with those glowstick necklaces the whole time and ate ice cream. Sometimes I wish I was a kid again!

not a stay at home mom

Oh there are so many days I wish I was a stay at home mom. This time it's been that way for about a week. Gabe will be 5 next month and we seem to have hit the lying/disobeying/talking back/general anarchy stage all at once, and boy, we have hit it HARD. It's really frustrating for me because I'm home for a few days and then he goes to a sitter for two days. I love my work schedule because it allows me quite a few full days at home, but sometimes I feel like it's not enough time. It's so hard to try and get all the "stuff" that needs done finished on the days you're off, plus do all the mom things. I think usually we do alright at it, but this week I'm feeling like a failure. This too shall pass I suppose.

I do love my job. I feel like I'm doing something important........ plus they're paying me. :o) I feel like my job gives me another purpose in life. And again........... they're paying me. And we can't afford to not have that paycheck coming in.

And right now, at this moment, life is a-ok in our house. The boys are playing with those musical drum things and making a ton of racket, while Gabe's dressed up as a race car driver and Cooper is in a diaper and cowboy hat. :o) I love it when they laugh together.

I called the IRS and was told that they have finished auditing us, and now we only have to wait a couple weeks for the money to be deposited. We've been anxiously waiting so we can pay back a chunk of the adoption money. So, I finished most of that paperwork during naptime yesterday. yay!

We're having a yard sale next weekend and getting rid of some of the extra stuff that's been cluttering up our lives. We cleaned out at least half of all the boy's toys and the playroom is still stuffed full! I couldn't believe it.

Then next month - camping! We didn't get to go last year, so I'm looking forward to it. It'll be Cooper's first time. I think he'll like it a lot.