the answer

alright people - the answer is no. another adoptive family was chosen. They said that the criteria was really close and they had to choose the family that had been waiting the longest. that was a little comforting. They also said they have some "activity" and wanted to know if we would be willing to have our profile shown by them again - we said yes of course. They also said that we have a great potential to be matched. so that's the news. Thanks for praying with us!

frustration

I am having a terrible time reigning in my thoughts today. I can't get that hoping/nervous/adrenaline feeling out of my chest. and I can't stop going over possible scenarios for this adoption situation in my head. Why do I have to feel this way? Why can't I just wait calmly and patiently like a normal person? I can't even shut my brain up long enough to pray. erg.

an answer! my kingdom for an answer!

disclaimer: the aforementioned kingdom contains a broken washer and dryer and a large pile of unwashed laundry. they are a package deal. my apologies

new news?

soooo..... the other day Craig gets a call from the agency asking if we're willing to adopt a biracial/african-american child; another agency is looking for families. we are. Today they call and inform him that they are sending our information over to the other agency, along with two other families' info. oh, and they're INDUCING LABOR ON TUESDAY! So, I don't know when or if we'll be hearing anything soon, or if we'll possibly have a new baby by Tuesday. Wouldn't that be cool? I'm surprised by how calm I've been. I mean, really calm. This is completely abnormal for me - I can't believe I'm not stressing more. wonder if this is our baby. You know, even if not, it's nice to have hope.

intense emotions today

One of our online "adoption community friends" just notified everyone that their birthparents changed their minds and want to parent. The adoptive family has had the baby for 2 weeks. I am so sad, and frustrated, and angry for them! WHY?! I know God does not give us more than we can handle, He's clearly stated that. However, why does it seem that all the stress and heartbreak happen over and over and over for those who are adopting? I know it's all part of the process, but bear in mind that there has already been stress and heartbreak over infertility problems for all of us adopting folks too! It just seems that the hurt keeps piling on. I'm so sad for them.
Another set of our adoption community friends is waiting for their little one to be born - they seem quite close to their birthmother. I am fervently hoping that everything goes smoothly. I realize that their gain will be someone else's deep loss. However, I have said over and over again that the responsible and loving birthparents are the ones who seriously consider an adoption plan in the first place. They are the ones who put their wants last - and the child's interests first. Hooray for birthmothers!

What a swirl of emotions I'm feeling. I'm so ready for our baby, but if we have to go through a failed placement I may just call it quits. I really don't know how much more of this process I can handle. I think that my emotions are raw in light of our friend's heartbreak. I also think I want to go back to bed - it's safe and warm there.

down down down

I'm having a very hard time explaining to myself why I'm so down about the adoption process. Is it the holidays? I don't think it is - I'm pretty excited about Christmas. Is it just the fact that we're coming up on the 1 year anniversary of deciding to adopt? Who knows, but I am definitely down about it. Don't get me wrong - I am SOOO thankful for my family, and especially for little Gabe, believe me. But we are so ready for that baby! The nursery is done, bottles are sterilized, crib is put together, the carseat is out and cleaned, and we even got a bigger car! I don't know what else I'm supposed to get ready! I know it's all in God's timing, but it's confusing me. I was so sure that God wanted us to adopt, now I'm thinking maybe we should just try to get pregnant one more time. We'd probably complete our family faster that way - but I have absolutely no desire to go that route again. none. errrg

Is this really what God wants? If this is what He wants..... why isn't it happening? How am I supposed to cheer up about it? and who is going to answer all these questions?

misc.

So, I was just looking at the agency's website, and 2 more families are missing from the profile section - which means they've been chosen. Which means, we weren't....... twice. That's a little depressing.
On a happier note - we just bought an '08 Rav 4 for a fantastic price. Now we officially have enough room for a 4-person family. We don't have to worry about the car surviving long car trips - whenever we get the call we can just GO! hooray!

newest news from the agency

We got our monthly email from the agency today. One successful adoption last week, and two pending I believe. No news specific to our profile was given, which is a little frustrating, but oh well. can't change that. One birthmother changed her mind about having an abortion (yay!) and contacted them last week - she's due in the spring. Another two birthmothers are scheduled to meet with Crista and they are due in the summer.
It seems like they are busy helping expectant mothers - but they have also stated that most of their meetings don't result in those mothers placing their baby for adoption. Which I don't mind, God has a plan for those babies and those mothers, and each situation is exactly what it's supposed to be. I just wish we had our baby.
I'm trying to remain hopeful about the adoption, but I'm starting to lose that hope. I'm not even getting excited about the monthly updates anymore. Maybe it's just a phase and I'll snap out of it, but it's hard to stay upbeat and excited for too long. you know?

It is what it is, and I'll wait.
(that's easy to say when you don't have another option) :o)